There was a time Joey lived far from home. He would write me letters all the time hoping to close the gap of miles between us . When I saw the envelope in the mailbox, I would start opening opening it before the mail box door even closed! I would close my eyes and smell the letter. I devoured every written word. I would savor each sentence. I laughed as he shared his antics and fight back tears when he would tell me how much he missed us. When I would get to the end, I felt as if I had finished an amazing best seller and couldn’t wait to read it again. Then, there was his consistent ending. Whether it was a text, a letter, the inside of a card, he ALWAYS signed his letters the same way....love, Your lil’ Angel, Joey.
I started wondering, if Joey was able to write me a letter from Heaven, what would he write? I sit here in silence and let his words spill out on paper…
“Momma, I’m okay. I REALLY am! You should see this place!!! It’s even better than I ever imagined! I’m sorry I made you cry! I would never hurt you, momma! I really didn’t want to go. I didn’t know I had to go. If I knew, I would have hugged you a little longer the last time I saw you. I would have let you hang on to me. I would have told you not to worry, even though you would have!! I would have waited until after Alix’s wedding. I would have talked to Ares and Aubrianna more and made sure Anthony and Angela brought me up to them all the time. I miss all of you, momma, but only in the physical sense. I am still all around you! You just don’t pay much attention sometimes.
Remember when you thought you dreamt that I was sitting on the edge of the bed and we were talking? Well, we really were, mom. And those times you thought you smelled me in the kitchen…that scent of smoke and cologne? That was me too! I am even around Ant and Alix…tell them they need to pay more attention, too! One day, a few days after I left, you were sitting outside with Anthony and you were starting to get in his business….Yes, momma, you get in our business but we know it’s because you love us. Anyway, you were giving him a “talk’ when all of a sudden the sprinklers came on and you both went running into the house..HAHA…yup that was me too!! No drama, momma!! Tell Anthony “You’re welcome!”
I love that you can talk about me now with out crying that much. I know that there will be days that are harder than others, but I also know that you will be OK. You are strong mother!! You stayed strong through all the crap I put you through! That’s why I never wanted kids of my own, remember? You would point your finger at me and say “Hell no, Joey! You ARE having kids! A boy just like you and a girl that DATES a boy just like you!!” HAHAHAHA! Oh my goodness! I’m sorry momma, I never left you a part of me. I know how much that hurts you. But, I live inside Aubri and Ares! When Alix has one of her own, I will live inside of them too. Oh and tell her she BETTER name a boy ‘Joey’ after her big bro and if it’s a girl, it better be Josephina! HAHAHAHA!”
Never stop looking for me momma. I am always looking after you. I am the one laughing the hardest at your silly jokes. I sit beside you when you sleep. I have my arms around you when you cry. Don’t cry so hard anymore, momma. I am always here.
Love, your lil’ Angel, Joey
BUT FOR THESE ARE NOT BLACK LETTERS ON PAPER…THESE ARE MEMORIES PUT ON A PAGE