I knew the time would come. I didn’t think it would be this soon. Maybe I’ve just lost track of time but I thought it would take longer. I assumed that the inevitable wouldn’t come to pass. I prayed it didn’t. Maybe it’s because my payers don’t seem to matter much lately. Oh, how I never wanted to see this day. Yet, today, it came to fruition…this is the day I realized the world has forgotten my son.
I really didn’t expect him to continue to be in the forefront of everyone’s thoughts. How could he be? He was merely a very small part of everyone’s ‘dash’. You know…that dash that separates the day we were born and the day we passed from this world? That’s what really matters..the dash. It’s not the dates, but the people and events that occupy that little dash on our headstone that define our lives. Joey was here one day, made his impact on the world, then abruptly made his exit. Where he was a mere dot of ink on their dash, he was…IS … one of the biggest parts of my dash. Without him in it, this dash would be incomplete…kind of like my life is now.
When ‘it’ happened, those that knew him and knew us, were in shock. Not Joey?! How? Why? There were the social media posts, the text messages, the phone calls, the whispers. Our phone never stopped ringing, the door bell rang constantly, the tags on posts came over with a vengeance. Sometimes, so much so, that I just wanted to run, hide and scream for the world to leave me the f*%#*@ alone!! I really didn’t mean it, though. I just wanted this to go away.
I heard that when something like this happens, people are there in the beginning then they start disappearing into their own lives, slowly, quietly. Maybe they believe that if they do it at a slow pace, you won’t notice their absence. We do.
Today, as I was looking through my social media page, it hit me. Except for his adorning baby sister and Sarini, the love of his life, his beautiful girlfriend who will never forget, no one had mentioned him a very long time. There were no memories recollected, no old photos popping up, no mention of him or the life he led. The most painful cut, though, is that those that professed the greatest love and painful loss for him are the ones that have become the most silent and yet that silence is the loudest thing I hear. The world has forgotten my son.
With a heavy heart, it feels as if I lost him again all over again, yet this time I grieve alone. No one checks up on me. No one asks how we’re holding up. The most horrific day of my life had become a far memory for many. This anger and sadness creeps up on me and leaves me with a bitter taste. I feel resentment, and outrage that he has faded from people lives…from their thoughts. My anguish and heartache, have once again left me gasping for air. Have they forgotten that he once existed? That he once mattered in their lives? More importantly, that they mattered in his? We never wanted people around out of obligation…we wanted them here because he was valued…because he made a difference in their lives…because he loved them and he was loved in return. This type of friendship, adoration and respect should last forever, right? How quickly people forget. What are we, those of us that have the daily pain and are left behind to mourn, supposed to think? We might as well have died along with them.
How can anyone forget him?? His beautiful soul gave us so much to remember …